There is a not-so-thin line between being professional and following your inclinations. There is also another line between management and employees. When I first became a manager, my boss wrote me up for “being friends” with one of my employees. He told me (wise words, but still hard to live by) that if you are too friendly with your employees, your job becomes ten times harder. It is harder to discipline them if they do something wrong. It is harder to get them to work because they don’t see you in a professional aspect, but just as a friend. Also, they can tend to expect special treatment as far as scheduling and workload are concerned because they think you are “friends.” While I understand the logic and the concepts perfectly, applying them was (and still is) really difficult. Many of the people that I manage are my same age group or older than me. I want to pal around and joke with them because it’s fun. And let’s face it, basically if I had met these people under any other circumstances besides work, it would be totally ok for me to hang out with them.
At first I had a really hard time as a manager. I had a couple-to-few employees who were resistant to authority. I had some self-confidence, but not a lot because I was a newbie. I didn’t really know what I was doing, or what I was supposed to be doing; how to act or how to treat my employees in a friendly, yet professional manner. Also, literally every employee (except for 2) were older than me. It’s hard giving assignments to people who could be your parents. However, it’s just something that I’ve learned to deal with. Someone out there in the universe thought that I would be good at my job, and they convinced someone else, and ta-da. . .I got hired. I got placed into a good store, with a good management team, and a very good boss. I’ve learned a lot and I think I’ve come a long way from those first days as a manager.
Now I’m faced with another situation. It’s even more perilous than the “friends” situation because it really is a company no-no. I got asked yesterday if I had a crush on one of my employees. The really sad part about this is it’s like the third time I’ve been asked this (by different people). Let me clarify by saying that I had to do a 3-hour sexual harassment training as part of my orientation. They were pretty specific about management-employee relationships; aka there can’t be any. So no matter what inclinations I might have, or how I might act. . .it really can’t ever happen. I mean, there are ways around it, sure, but really it’s a big deal and a big you REALLY shouldn’t do this. Also, I maybe have a slight problem, and maybe that’s part of it. Sometimes I flirt. . .sometimes a lot. It’s happened before. If a guy is remotely in my age range, and unmarried. . .well, it’s pretty much just a natural reaction. Good gravy, sometimes I act the same way with our elderly customers. I don’t know why, and really I’ve been dealing with this since 8th grade. I’ve always had an easier time getting along with guys than girls. I think a lot of people could say this though, not just me.
Well, so here comes my dilemma. I like the dynamics at work. I think it’s fun, and that it’s not a big deal. It doesn’t cause anyone to be unproductive (except me sometimes, but that’s a given. . . .everyone has those days. Trust me, I’ve asked around.) But I can’t risk being unprofessional at work. I can’t risk the gossip and drama that will inevitably proceed if I don’t change my behavior. I can see what both sides of the issue are, and I can see why the clear decision should be to alter my behavior. The flip side of the coin is that I alienate one of the only friends I have at work. Ha, there it is. There’s my problem. I became friends with an employee.
Oh sometimes I feel like work dominates every aspect of my life. It’s hard to separate the two sometimes. I work almost every day of my life. And why not be friends? Why can’t I flirt with someone at work? I see these people ten times as often as I see my own family, and the only people I see more are my roommates. Why can’t work be an enjoyable experience? Or maybe I just need to put my natural reactions aside and be a professional. . .
