I’m feeling a bit stressed tonight. So I’m sitting here writing, with nothing more productive to do, except for a list a mile long. I’m going out of town in a couple weeks (which I’m really excited about), and we still don’t have anything set in stone. I’m not really the kind of girl who takes off on a trip with no set destination, no at-least-fluid plans. As much as I would like to be that girl, the spontaneous-road-trip-wind-at-my-back-adventurous type, I’m just not. Nope. I like to know where I’m going, where I’m sleeping, how much money I’ll need, and who’s going with me. So I’m stressing a little bit. Looking at hotels, but not knowing if we can fit into one room with one bed, or one room with two beds, or if in reality we should get two rooms and just play it safe, but that’s more money, and if there’s not a lot of us going that could get pretty pricey pretty quick, not to mention the attraction fees because we don’t know which attractions we want to go to yet, money for food which depending on where we eat or if we take some food with us, money for gas, and who’s car to take and which route we should drive. Do you feel how not-well-planned this is? I mean, sure we have 2 weeks to the day to plan, but that’s not a lot of time and I would like to be sure that we actually can do this before I just jump into the backseat of a car and drive away.
I don’t think I was always like this. I mean, as a kid, I never had in-depth and detailed plans. It used to drive my dad crazy. He called it misinformation, but I prefer lack of information. I knew general ideas, vague details, and didn’t really care. My dad spent my entire young adult life drilling it into our heads to explore every option, know details and facts so that if someone asks you a question, you are prepared. If I wanted to go to a party, he would ask when, where, who, how I was getting there, what time I planned on being home, if there would be adult supervision, etc. . . If I didn’t have the answers to more than one question, chances of me going (or at least of him approving of me going) were fatally slim to none. He wanted complete and accurate information. So I guess in a way I am doomed to stress about trip-planning.
Sometimes I wish I could go back and do things differently. I wish that I had grown up differently (aka not uptight about stupid things like planning a vacation). I wish that I had cultivated a different relationship with my sister (aka someone she could have and would have asked to be one of her bridesmaids at her wedding that I wasn’t invited to). I wish I could see what an idiot I have been about certain things (mostly school, relationships, housing, moving, everything pretty much). I wish I had kept old friends closer to me, instead of just letting people fall by the wayside as life progresses. But you can’t change the past, and there’s certainly no point dwelling on it. I guess life moves on with you or without you. You can’t stop it. You can’t change it. You just have to accept it and go forward.
Yay for going on a trip! I think I could use the distraction; get out of my head for a while, and away from daily stressors.
