a glimpse

Well, I am thankful for consistency, although it is not always pleasant. This will be a short post. I am exhausted, and I’ve already fallen asleep twice this evening. Once watching a movie, and second watching….another movie. Wow, I’m boring.

Anyways, without fail since I was a teenager I have gotten sick around the holidays. Usually Thanksgiving and Christmas. It’s been nastily cold here, and I finally smartened up and started bundling up (even though it takes such a dreadfully longer amount of time to get ready to go anywhere). I wear several layers, socks, a scarf, gloves….I do my best to stay warm. Christmas morning I felt right as rain and ready to hit the ground running.

But here I am, the day after Christmas, crawling into bed at 10:30 pm because, you guessed it, I’m getting sick. All I want to do is drink orange juice, have my nose stop running like a leaky faucett and watch Cary Grant movies all day long. Unfortunately for me, there is this tiny thing called responsibility, and I have to be at work at 7:30 in the morning. No sick days for me. My job is lame.

So I’m going to bed, grateful that some things never change, and cursing it all the same. I just hope I’m better by New Years. I actually have the day off and I’m kind of looking forward to it.

Goodnight y’all. Be warm, drive safe, and whatever happens, DON’T GET SICK!

Today is December 8th. Well, at least it was and will be for the next 29 minutes. Which means Christmas is in exactly 16 days. That’s 2 weeks, 2 days, and oh, 28 minutes. Call me crazy, but it just doesn’t feel like Christmas to me.

For me, the last few months have literally flown by. The holidays have just gotten lost in this whirlwind of life. I thought that decorating my house, buying and wrapping presents, listening to music, selling Christmas junk to people, making treats, watching Frosty the Snowman and other Christmas movies would help. It hasn’t.

Maybe the prospect of spending another Christmas alone (and at work no less) has dampened the Christmas spirit for me. It’s this time out of anytime during the year that I just want to surround myself with people that I care about, and just enjoy the company of others. I like to give gifts to people, and to see their reactions as they open them.  I like to be helpful, kind and considerate. However, this year, my gifts are all bought, wrapped and delivered. My tree is put up, haphazardly stuck in the corner and decorated in red, silver and white. I listen to Christmas music for 8+ hours 5+ days a week. But despite how hard I have tried, it still feels like any other day, in any other month of the year.

It snowed for the first time today. I usually don’t like the snow, but since the first snowfall generally doesn’t stick, I let my self bask in the frigid flurrying flakes (oh, good alliteration!). I felt a glimmer of the holidays that vanished as soon as I stepped into the freezing cold (and now wet) air, and battled crowds of people at stores and on the streets. It’s just hard to be excited, and I can’t figure out why.

Christmas is supposed to be a time of happiness and good cheer. We drink hot cocoa, sing carols, sit by the glow of a fire (or a Christmas tree in my case). It is a time for family, friends and fun; peppermint and cinnamon. It’s a time that traditions are born or revisited, and a time to reflect on how fortunate we are. It’s not supposed to be depressingly morbid or disheartening. I guess I just need to figure out how to be excited for Christmas this year.